Saving for my funeral

It has nearly been a month since my last blog post. I guess that I just took a day or two out and then didn’t come back.

Now here I am, digging this back up like a dog, hunting for a bone that he knew he once had. I’m just one of those people apparently who don’t like to let go of special things.

 This evening was refreshing. I took a 10 mile walk and swam for half an hour at a deserted beach. I needed it. It made me realise that I’ve been looking at everything the right way recently, despite criticism.

People look so far into the long term. In one month they’re going here and in three years time, they’ll be off doing this and have {insert job title] for the next 60 years of his or her life.Then retire, have grandchildren and then finish with an extravagant funeral.

Yes, I’m over-exaggerating, but it really upsets me when people look so far into the long term that they forget to value and appreciate what they have at the present time. Friendships and love are mostly fleeting, but they’ll be even more so if you forget to appreciate them now.

I appreciated tonight, alone. To me, it’s so much better than sitting and planning every day up to my funeral. 

My name is…

There is one thing about volunteering with children… They certainly have an imagination.

I’m completely worn out now, I’ve done roughly 16 hours of volunteering over the past two days. I’m working with foreign students who have come to my town to learn English, they come from all over Europe and speak a whole range of languages. The children themselves are aged between 8 to 18.

One of the youngest boys (an 8 year old Russian or Eastern European citizen) took one look at my name badge and said…

Toilet’

*Sighs*

This summer has only just begun and the team leaders have already given me a new nickname.

I absolutely love kids.

Evenings

Yesterday I was writing poetry
Tonight I have written some essays.

It is almost midnight, so I shall share the poem I wrote last night:

Sanity’s vacation

My ship gently drifting,
on the calmest of oceans.
The breeze only caressing
the lightest shades of blue.

Deep below is the world,
and deep above are the others.
Slipping into the richest shades of blue.
Myself, the softest diamond light.

The saline sea supports me,
and unseen currents drift lazily.
Within the middle distance,
there is hope.

A laughter-filled island palace,
with the clatter of platter that
mixes the chatter.
I’m so hungry.

My mouth begins to water
as the smells wash over my boat.
My elaborate fantasy,
Edging forward, metre by metre.

With a heaving sigh,
my raft hits the shore.
My satellite watches from afar
as I take my first steps on paradise.

My feet sink into the whitest sand,
shakily, I walk to the palace,
following a path, sheltered by palm trees.
In anticipation, I knock at the door.

Perhaps weeks pass,
I eat, drink and sleep.
In paradise I am content.
The sky is obscured by a storm.

As the rain begins to pour,
my illusion washes away.
My satellite unable to project a hologram,
my island left deserted.

Months of feasting on the lonely coconut tree,
sheltering under its thinning leaves,
sleeping on the course blackened sand.
My fantasy, a lie.

Bros before prose.

So tonight I shall write.
Though not to your delight,
for soon I must alight,
to part and say good night.

Tonight my friends needed me and so I have left you alone. You will survive.

I have decided to start a policy of only posting between 11 and 12pm GMT, but to implement that alongside my other ideology of posting every day regardless of mood and time.

Lets make this interesting.

Sleep

Once again, the time is 11:08pm and I find myself writing here.

It is this time of the day when I guess that I start to feel most tired, but it descends on my mind like a foggy blanket. My eyes start to feel heavy and my mind becomes most relaxed. So I write iin my

Absolute utter nonsense.

Please excuse the pun in the title, but that is the best description of what I wrote last night.

I often find myself just arguing complete and utter nonsense, just because it sounds good in my head. The original idea for this blog was that I just wrote whatever was on my mind. It has not been easy. I seem to suffer a major mind blank, even if I have previously had ideas in the day.

I’m clearly amateur, but I guess that those of you subscribed to my writings have seen something behind the writhing mass of text. A seedling of hope behind wall of words that pressing themselves against your computer screen.

I’m grateful, honestly. It makes me smile to think that people are actually reading the thoughts as they spill from the thoughts onto the page. I have about 34 followers and each time I have received a notification, it has made me smile. I can actually visualise myself painting my words across a page and each time I pick up my brush, I have the potential to paint something new.

Some things will work and some won’t. I understand. I don’t claim to be perfect, in fact quite the opposite. I will do my best to explain my thoughts, so if ever you don’t understand or I have written a bunch of meaningless words, please tell me. I’m not likely to go back and edit the work itself, as I prefer to keep my development and progression visible, but I won’t forget your words.

After all, even Shakespeare had his critics and my work is a tragedy in comparison.

Superlatives, absolutes and perspective.

Always. Never. Eternity. Infinite. Richest. Poorest. Happiest. Saddest.

We use these words to place certain things above others. Pushing ourselves to the extreme. There are no extremes. We perceive them and yet, nothing cannot deviate too far from our normal. Everything that humanity has done (or has yet to achieve) is within our capacity to do, even if that outcome is positive or negative.

It it always about perspective. From your perspective, my normal may be something that you consider extreme. My extreme could be your normal. At the end of the day, we only have one perspective, our own.

We should probably therefore carefully consider when we use the superlatives, words like never and forever, because our perspective doesn’t go that far. We should be careful about absolutes because they suggest extremes of a word and extremes in theory, do not entirely exist.

Making good of my promise

Europe.

It is an amazing establishment. A linking of countries with a common goal of equality and a true place in the world.

What is one lonely island, once nestled in a great sea of history, war and revolution? Such histories are now gone from us and there are still those who accept that fact. Britain would lay in ruins as it reflects on what went wrong should we ignore the fact that our position on the global stage is now compromised.

What are we in comparison to the USA, China, Brazil and Europe? Who are we in the world without voices to hear our concerns and act on them? We have history and tradition, but so do Greece, and that has helped their economy tremendously.

With Europe we hold so many things in common, our laws and histories are intertwined. The battles between our peoples are now resolved and our union represents the peace that millions died for. We have a duty to our people and to the citizens of Europe to uphold laws that are equal and fair, to prevent war and maintain equality. We are world leaders, we need to act together.

I completely understand that we pay so much to the European Union and for foreign aid, but it should be recognised that we receive so much back. We stole so much from the countries that we invaded when we invaded their lands. It is time to give something back. It is our responsibility to give back to humanity, regardless of nationality. The argument that our country gives so much to other countries is true, but that money is justified.

 

It is fair to say that Britain needs to reform the EU, we need to recognise that the global economic slump has hit the entire group of nations and we need better policies to allow us to work better as a group to appreciate the needs of each individual country. Britain wants more independence and less policy interference, then it should be that way. That does not mean that we should do something as radical as leave a Union which steeped in history. I feel exactly the same about Scotland.

I have barely attempted to even portray the benefits of a Union in this rant. I will be posting a poll to see what you think, because I think that this is fascinating. Ok I’ve written loads and feel like I could go on forever. But I will stop here and add a little disclaimer at the bottom because sometimes this can get a little heated.

Disclaimer: I have not sourced any of the information, so none of this argument is credible, however I would be able to provide some sources if requested. This is naturally all my own opinion, please do not be swayed by this alone. Please do not be offended if this point of view is not concordant with your opinion nor that of any group.

 

 

False promises

Last night I said, with good intention, that today I would write about the news. Tomorrow I will be talking about Europe and Scotland (Like every Brit seems to be recently). Today I have more pressing issues.

Last night I had a dream.

It was one of those dreams where your waking desire is fulfilled, despite the fact that your conscious mind knows that your desire is irrational and unachievable.

It seems bizarre that my mind would, in a strange sense of self- fulfilment, grant me the thing that I desire the most, only to wake up and hurt twice as much for it. It makes me never want to wake up. My subconscious and I know each other intimately, so why should I have to remain in the cold harsh world of reality? I would just love to build my own imagination and let it hold me in my pacifying arms.

It is almost not fair and yet I understand why I do it to myself. I am awake to build my subconscious thoughts, and I sleep to grant myself access the things that are forbidden from me

Drifting off

I like to think that there are multiple sides to me. There is a sane me, a rational me, a creative me, a me who wants to change the world and that me who is just too zany for his own good.

I almost drift into these sides of myself. I carry so many different personalities tailored to different people, and although I may be criticised and misunderstood for doing so, the me that you see, is the real me. I’m just expressing a different part of me.

I just understand that some people will not want to see the crazy nonsense that passes between my sister and I, which (if I may add) makes no sense to anyone else but my sister and I. We can laugh about a frozen chicken on a counter-top for hours on end. There is no reason, other than the desire to laugh.

Other people may see someone more formal and conscientious person, considering the world around him as it drifts through space. That is another side of me.

At the end of the day, I am the same person and I’m not afraid to express myself to anyone. Here you have seen some different things, you have seen me emotional, you have seen me be conscientious. Most of all  (at least so far) I hope that you will have seen me be myself.

Tomorrow, I want to do something different. I want to read the news and find something and just let my opinion drift as far as it may go.